Chapter one: What ever happened to Jane Rose?

All I saw was clear green. It was a green I wanted to live inside forever with childish vigor of innocence. When I talk about the years that I gone by, I can sum them up in few words for my memory had buried them beneath time and silence. They said I disappeared in those woods that humid June day and never walked out. My white cotton dress clung to my porcelain frame as my palms rushed over the fabric to refresh my hands. Purple and yellow flowers littered the landscape with the exception of the darkened pathway to the woods. I’d only be a minute. I just needed some air from the pressure. It would only take a moment, to sit in the woods and take in the peace.

 I sat in a clearing among the flowers I found a willow tree. I looked upward to the sky watching the long branches dance among the gentle wind. I closed my eyes. Everything had gone black until I woke up on the steps of a court house. The familiar smell of a concrete jungles filled my nostrils and erased the fresh grass whipping me soul into panic. “Ma’am?” a voice behind me called. “Are you alright?”

“Huh?” I said weakly. I looked to the direction of the voice. A police officer took a step toward me. “I- uh, I…” I trailed off. Was this a dream? He squinted his blue eyes and approached me with caution. I rubbed the back of my neck.

“Do you need some assistance?” I stared at him trying to gather some thoughts. He reached out his hand and I took it. It felt warm and soft. “My name is Tom.” He said softly. “What are you doing here? It’s three in the morning, you shouldn’t be out so late.”

“I don’t know, sir.”

“What’s your name,” he asked helping me to my feet.

“My name Jane Rose.” A flash of relief flickered across his face. “I don’t know why I’m here.”

“How did you get here?”

“I’m not sure really, I went for a walk in the woods. I think I fell asleep…” I trailed off looking at around to the sound of street lights buzzing. “I’m sorry.” Lightening danced across the sky casting eerie shadows all around me.

“Are you feeling ok?”

“Yes, although I feel exhausted,” I yawned. He nodded.

“Would you mind coming inside?”

“Why?”

“I’d like to make sure you’re ok. You seem disorientated.”

“I’m not.”

“Come inside and get you some water.” I shrugged my shoulders. “We have a medic on duty.”

“Okay, I guess.”

“Better to wander on the edge of safety.” He said sincerely. “You can call someone to pick you up if you’d like.”

“I’d like that very much.” I smiled and followed him into the building that sang of an ancient Greek motif. He guided me to a nearby office where pudgy white man with a jelly donut. Flecked grey hair grew out his scalp and seemingly matched his bushy mustache. A pair of thin rimmed glasses slid forward to the end of his nose.

“Hey Phil,” Tom started. “You got a minute?” Phil huffed and grunted as he got up out his chair.

“Yeah.” He abandoned his jelly donut on a stack of unorganized papers. He avoided eye contact with me. “What can I do you for?” He pushed the rims back up.

“This lady seems to have lost her way. I found her on our steps.” Phil glanced over to me vaguely disinterested. “Would you mind, making sure she’s alright?” He shrugged.

“She looks fine to me.”

“Can I use your phone.” I blurted out. Phil’s eyebrows furrowed at the request but then glumly point to the desk.

I dialed Bert’s number and an operators prerecorded voice echoed through the phone saying the number had been disconnected. I yawned and tried the phone again with the same results. I tried called my mother next. The phone trilled endlessly. I must have dialed the wrong number. I kept picking up the phone and redialing.

“Beta Zeta Kappa,” a youthful groggy voice finally lingered through. A paused a second. “Hello?”

“Mom?” I asked.

“What?” Asked the voice a little clearer. “Do have any idea what time is? What do you want?”

“Oh, I’m sorry can you put my mother on?”

“Uh, No. We don’t have any mother’s here. Are you trying the right number?”

“Is this 809 10^th street?”

“Yeah. Are you the one who keeps calling?” Irritation rising in her voice.

“Um, yeah. I’m sorry to wake you. My mother should be there, is she still at the party?”

“Listen, it’s finals week and all of us are exhausted. Too exhausted to deal with bat shit crazy people on the phone crank calling us. Stop calling us!”

“I… need some help-“

“Then call a psychiatrist. Call again and I will call the police.” She hung up leaving me to stare at the receiver in my hand. A heavy cloud settled over me as I stared in shock. What’s going on here?

“Mrs. Rose? Is everything alright?” All I could do was stare. “What’s wrong?” Phil snapped out of his grump and narrowed his eyes.

“What her first name?” He asked.

“Jane,” Tom said taking the phone out of my hand.

“Shit, I can’t believe it. I know you.” I shook my head.

“Um, I don’t think so. I just met you a few minutes ago.” I felt sick to my stomach and the world was beginning to spin.

“Well I don’t know you, know you but I know of you. You disappeared from a party five years ago.”

“No, I haven’t. I was at a party earlier today.”

“You look exactly the same. It has to be you.” A bouncing red ball passed by the doorway. I walked out of the room in to the hallway. Boing-boing-boing-boing. I turned around back to the office and shut my eyes tightly.

My eyes flew open and the office faded into the silent darkness. I had to remember. My apartment was small and couch was smaller. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep in the bed because it seemed more haunted than the brown in my eyes. Big red ball, I thought. A familiar tug in my gut as if to remind me of something that was important. It’d been a year since my dramatic reappearance.

Big bouncing ball.

I was facing the door as I always had. I was alone as I always should be. My thoughts turned to Bert. I wondered how relieved he was when he found out he was rid of me, how relieved everyone was when they buried that empty casket. Even in the darkness I could smell the damp and neglected ground where my grave stands.

I envied that coffin and envied oblivion for I would never know such peace. I sat up on the couch and looked at my digital clock. Time plays a cruel joke on insomniacs or maybe that’s just life in general it’s strange to think that life goes on without the proper staple of reality but I think maybe I’m better off that way. Alone in the darkness, I’m better off alone. I knew I only had a short amount of time before I see the doctor about my “condition” as they so harshly call it but I know it’s polite talk for massive speculation of my where abouts. Was I lying? Could they recover any answers? Who was the villain? What happened? Either way for the time being I was forbidden to return there. My life was no longer mine and I became lost. I refused to go outside. When I returned people said they were so thankful I was alive, so grateful and lucky to be here among the living.

To me, I was the very same woman who walked into the woods then and the same woman walking out. I closed my eyes sinking back into the green. All I remember is green.